The Girl Upstairs

I think I am anemic, I have been very lethargic lately, I have no energy and I sleep most of the day. Actually I am really sleepy right now. I love the idea of being pregnant and bringing life to a beautiful baby, but… I’m so miserable. :(

i miss my make up, the most I do is powder my face enough to hide the blemishes! And that’s only if I’m leaving the house
I havent worn mascara, lipsticks, eye shadow…
I wore a little eyeliner for my baby shower…
But I miss getting up in the morning, putting on a pretty face and making sure my hair is at least decent! I don’t like combing my hair and straightening too much, but right now it just goes up in a bun and I’m good to go for the day.
I guess it’s because I feel I have no one to impress.. But since tims not around, I always think I probably would try to put on a pretty face…
Bleh.
I’ll be seeing him in 12 days! I can’t wait! :)

All I do is worry worry worry….
I have so much on my mind and it’s not healthy. Not at all.. :(
I just don’t know what to do, but pray. Pray for strength and guidance. :(

I was wondering the other day when my two old friends from high school came over, they asked me if I am staying here after the baby is born.
Even my family always asks that question.
But clearly.

No! Lol.. I am gonna be with the father of my child! I came here to spend time with my parents, and to relax, and be there for my mom who lost her mom. I hate to say this but I will be glad when I leave, although I would miss my parents, this is not my home anymore, tim is my home! Plus, I don’t feel close to my family anymore, I grew up with them yea.. But since I been away I just don’t really care anymore.. Like not about them but about having to see them or hang out..

Like.. I miss jessy and Sonya, and tim and his family so much! I just don’t like to tell anyone here that because I think it would kinda hurt their feelings?

I just don’t know how to tell my family or friends that I won’t be here long after. Honestly, I made a family out in jville, with tim, his family, and Sonya and Jessica and I was fine there.

Like, one of my cousins who is due like.. 4 weeks after me is planning on doing stuff together with me after my baby arrives with her baby. I told her I won’t be here long but I don’t think she understands that? Lol.. Oh well

I’m happy though, time is starting to narrow down and I get to see my love and our baby soon :) that’s all I am really looking forward to and what keeps me from going completely mad! I miss tim. Everyday I do wish I could be with him, but Mann, I think I saved him from going through hell with me, I don’t even wanna get out of bed right now! I just, I wanted him to try to be in peace, do things he wants to do, or try to have fun without worrying about me! I mean this month for him has been not so fun, because he has been non stop work work work! I feel really bad like.. I think he needs me there even if it’s just lying next to him when he gets off work and I feel really selfish because I hope he does know I want to be there next to him. I probably wouldn’t let him sleep since I get up to pee every 5 min and he needs him sleep but still. I just want to be the best I can be and just be there for him. He’s a great guy.

I can’t believe my baby girl will almost be full term inside me! What a relief to make it this far and know your baby is just healthy, happy, and growing and ready for life!

I can’t say ive been the most relaxed.. I’ve been more impatient and a little stressed.

I got a scare at my doctors office none the less.

I go to my appointment, it’s at 1:40, I didn’t get seen till almost 3.. I was running off of 3 hours sleep because I couldn’t sleep at night!
They finally call me back and I was to have a strep b test, and cervix check. I had high blood pressure again! But it went back down or else she would have sent me to the office, the doctor who is not my doctor just his assistant than tells me I have chlymidia, the STD.. And I look at her crazy like.. How is that possible?? She had no answers other than she will prescribe me treatment etc… And that I need to notify my partner so he can get tested aswell..
1) tim has been my only sex partner for a while!
2) I had a pap smear done, blood tests, and urine tests throughout my whole pregnancy!
3) I trust tim and I would never do anything to lose his trust either!
4) from the time I had a pap smear, to now, how in the world can they tell me now I have chlymidia! I havnt got laid since dec. Lol not proud to admit that but seriously???
5) who wants to bang a fat, pregnant, ew looking pregnant woman.. Really? Even my mom laughed when I told her what they said!
Well for 5 whole minutes I believed I had a STD, the doctor is leaving telling the nurse who is also not my normal nurse that she is gonna give her a prescription to give me and the nurse notices the paper and tells the doctor that the paper was not mine! She grabbed the wrong one because it wasn’t blank!
I was furious and the nurse came in to tell me sorry not the doctor! I really hate this, I just wanna go to another place for my doctor appointments, or what’s left of them! Or just say I won’t see anyone other than my doctor! or.. Just keep canceling! It still makes me upset thinking about it, I would never jeopardize the well being of my family, esp. My little girl!

On a lighter note, tim bought his plane ticket today I really can’t wait to see him! It’s for may 5th! I havnt seen him since dec 19th? Or 20th? I believe one of those dates? so exactly 4 months. I wasn’t happy for a long time :( I am now just so excited and I wanna keep my fingers and legs crossed hoping my little one will hang In there!

I don’t think I’ll be able to put my baby in another room :( I want her to sleep near me at least for a little while next to the bed in her rocker :(
I hope tim doesn’t mind, I know he will want to be able to sleep but i can always sleep in another room :( i feel like I’ve been protecting her in my womb so much that I will get sad if she comes out and is exposed to people, germs, bad things.
Can I just lock her up forever? :)